Understanding avoidance

How do we embed new behaviours? How do we create new habits that become our natural default setting or second nature?

With a new wave of enthusiasm we often plan to change lots of old habits at once, and we truly believe that we will change and have a ‘shift’ or ‘breakthrough’, stretching our old comfort zones, witnessing and moving beyond our limiting beliefs and achieving huge change in one fell swoop.

Shifts in consciousness, which inspire huge habit changes can occur and it is entirely possible to have a new perspective that allows big sweeping changes to become possible. However, these moments can feel sporadic at best, so how do we embed change on a day to day basis?

Your WHY is an enormous factor.

Why do you want to do it?

What pain are you experiencing whilst not doing it?

What pain do you anticipate in the future, if you don’t do it?

It is about understanding your avoidance.

I believe, your key to getting something done is

the level of your understanding and appreciation of why you have NOT done it.

What pain are you avoiding by NOT doing it?

Take your time, sit with that question.

Only we know the very reasonable reasons we give ourselves NOT to do something.

Some of the reasons feel very real, insurmountable problems or circumstances.

My invitation to you today is to truly appreciate in yourself how you are trying to keep yourself safe.

Say thank you to yourself (your psyche/brain/consciousness):

‘Thank you for keeping me safe.’

‘I appreciate every thought and action that has endeavoured to keep me away from pain/upset/shame/fear/ridicule/loneliness/exclusion.’ (delete as applicable)

Sometimes the reasons not to do stuff appear to be about looking after you…

‘I am too tired today.’

‘I deserve to rest today.’

‘I haven’t got enough time/money.’

‘I need to see my friend, instead of _____.’ (insert as applicable)

Journalling your very reasonable reasons is a useful way to see them in black and white in front of you, rather than loitering in your brain, gathering weight. It is imperitive that you write them doing. Take time with them. They have had a purpose in your life. They have kept you alive, safe from harm.

The time has come for them to be brought into the light.

Read them out loud to yourself.

‘The reason why I haven’t done X, Y & Z is because…’

How does it feel speaking them out?

Do they still fit you?

Which ones do you want to keep?

Which ones are you tired of?

Which do you just no longer believe?

Now when you weigh up your WHY next to your reasons NOT to, what do you notice?

Our ability to achieve something is solely reliant upon:

our awareness of the reasons why you want to achieve it and why you don’t want to achieve it.

Only then can you choose what to do next.

Please watch the 5 minute Quitting List video too.