Have you ever paused to ask yourself: Do I actually like being inside my own head? It’s a question that can stop you in your tracks because the answer holds up a mirror to your inner world.
Our minds can be wonderfully enjoyable places of inspiration, creativity, and profound insight. Yet, they can also be uncomfortable landscapes of self-doubt, overthinking, and regret.
For many, the thought of spending time alone with their thoughts is not a welcome one. But what if you could shift that experience? What if your mind became a source of peace and clarity, no matter the external circumstances?
Let’s explore three powerful and unconventional tools to help you find peace within your own mind.
1.) What we can control
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy, it’s not about Victorian’s having a stiff upper lip! Stoics believe that true peace comes not from controlling the external world but from mastering the inner one. I tend to agree with them. This simple yet profound idea invites us to focus on what lies within our control: our thoughts, perceptions, and actions.
One of the most liberating ideas from Stoic philosophy is the division of life into three categories: ‘what we can control’, ‘what we can’t control’ and the middle world of ‘what we can influence.’ The things within our control include our thoughts, choices, and actions. Everything else; others’ opinions, the weather, outcomes, are all outside of our control, but we do have influence over some of the outcomes we have, but rarely complete control.
This principle feels so freeing to me, because it teaches me to focus my energy on what I can influence and let go of what I can’t.
Worrying about things beyond our control only drains us. When we accept this distinction, we can regain clarity and peace.
Here’s a practical exercise to apply this idea:
1. Identify a current stressor. Write it down.
2. Divide it into two lists:
Which aspects of this situation can you control?
Which aspects are outside of your control?
3. Take action where you have influence. Commit to small, deliberate steps in areas where your choices matter. For example, if you’re nervous about a meeting, you can prepare thoroughly (control) but cannot dictate others’ reactions (not control).
4. Release what you can’t control. Remind yourself: worrying won’t change the outcome. Practice letting go by focusing on the actions you can take instead.
5. This doesn’t mean that we can’t imagine an outcome that we’d really like, but can’t control. Imagining something as a possible outcome (creating a possibility) inspires us to reach for things outside of our control and not be limited by our own reasons of why we can’t have it. Creating possibilities rather than having expectations allows us to avoid a huge amount of disappointment, which can thwart our efforts.
This exercise is a reminder that while life often feels overwhelming, much of our peace depends on directing our energy wisely.
2.) Expert story telling
Many wise teachers share that much of our mental unrest stems not from what actually happens to us but from the story we tell about it. For instance, imagine someone cancels plans with you. The fact is simply, “They cancelled.” The story might be, “They don’t value me,” or, “I’m not good enough.” This distinction between what happened and the interpretation of what happened is transformative.
Here’s an exercise to practice called ‘What’s the story?’:
1. Write down a recurring thought or worry. eg, “I always mess things up at work.”
2. Separate the facts from the story. A fact might be, “I made an error on the last report.” The story might be, “This means I’m incompetent.”
3. Challenge the story: Is it true? What evidence do you have for or against it? What’s another way to interpret the facts? How can I know for certain?
By breaking down your thoughts in this way, you can free yourself from our inner narratives that amplify self-doubt or anxiety. The truth often feels lighter than the story we attach to it.
3.) The Third Path: Reframing choice and conflict
Our minds are often trapped in binary thinking: good versus bad, right versus wrong, success versus failure. This rigid framework creates unnecessary tension. What if there’s always a third path, one that isn’t about resolving conflict but about stepping into a new context altogether?
This tool, called ‘The Choice Reframe’, invites you to expand beyond dualistic thinking. Here’s how it works:
1. When faced with a difficult situation, notice if you’re stuck between two opposing choices (e.g., “Should I quit my job or stay?”).
2. Step back and ask, “What’s another possibility I haven’t considered? What’s a path that aligns with both my values and my growth?”
3. Shift the focus from the problem to a vision. For example, instead of debating whether to stay or leave your job, explore, “What kind of career would energize me? How can I move toward that?”
This exercise reframes conflict as an opportunity to create rather than choose. It encourages curiosity and creativity, which can transform even the most paralyzing dilemmas into opportunities for growth.
How to implement: Cultivating peace as a daily practice
While these tools are insightful, their power lies in consistent practice. Just like training your body, cultivating a peaceful mind requires daily effort. Here are some ways to integrate these practices into your life:
Remind yourself to set an intention for how to ‘be’ each day. How about choosing to ‘be calm and expansive?’
Journal about your thoughts, using ‘What’s the story?’ to gain clarity and objectivity.
When facing a decision, pause and apply ‘The choice reframe’ to find a solution that feels empowering and authentic.
Each of these tools builds your capacity to observe your mind without judgement, shift unhelpful patterns, and create a sense of inner stability.
Above all things be kind
Our relationship with our mind shapes our experience of life. If we feel trapped in negative thought patterns, our world can seem small and stifling. But when we learn to engage with our thoughts with kindness, we create freedom, not just from mental unrest, but to dream, explore, and live fully.
So, do you like being inside your own head? If the answer isn’t a resounding yes yet, know that it can be. With some useful tools, you can transform your mind into a space of peace, creativity, and possibility.
Join ‘The Clearing’ – Create Lasting Change – 6 week course
Starts Tues 29th April til Tues 3rd June
 | ReplyForwardAdd reaction |
