What are you actually worried about?

One of the more exhausting things about being a reasonably conscientious adult is the extraordinary number of things we are taking responsibility for.

It might be someone else’s opinion of us, as we are conscious not to offend. It could be how our family is. Whether we’re doing a really good job at work. Or how our child is doing socially. It could be something we said three years ago, that still makes our stomach clench. It might even be – something someone else might possibly say next Tuesday. EEEK – what might that be?

Worry often disguises itself as responsibility. We think we are thinking something through, when actually we are repeatedly circling the same uncertainty, trying to create a guarantee that doesn’t exist.

We can ask ourselves this – Can I control the outcome of this problem? Is it 100% mine to sort or fix?

What are the actual facts? What am I interpreting?

What can I influence? What can I not control?

What am I trying to control simply because I don’t like the feeling of not knowing?

Not knowing is an obvious one – of course we don’t know, but goodness, we do really like to try and think it through to reach a conclusion. I share a technique called the ‘I don’t know’ box. When we catch ourselves ruminating – pop that thought into the ‘I don’t know’ box, which is a file you can open inside your own mind.

We ruminate because our brains LOVE to file our thoughts away. We want to come to a conclusive answer – so we keep on thinking and thinking – we can only ruminate on things we don’t have all of the facts for. Candidates for the ‘I don’t know’ box are thoughts such as – ‘What did they mean by that?’, ‘What might happen tomorrow.’, ‘What did they think of what I said?’ Pop them all into the ‘I don’t know’ box. Our brains like it because it is on the file based on facts. – Q. ‘What did they mean that?’ A. ‘I don’t know.’

This is the kind of work we do in my coaching sessions. I’ve been coaching since 2009 and I have developed lots of tools and techniques to help busy heads like yours to feel free and clear.

We slow things down enough to see what is really going on, challenge the assumptions that have become invisible, and work out what is actually yours to deal with. If something in your life is taking up far more space in your head, come and have a chat with me.

You might be surprised by what else you get clear about.