That thing you want…do you want to want it or do you really want it?
The two things are often confused.
STEP 1. Get to know the difference between the two.
How can you separate your true desires and motivations from the things that you just think you want?
Even if you achieve the want to wants, they will not feel fulfilling for long.
We want things because we think they will give us something, emotionally. We want it to make us feel better.
Sometimes we think that we want to be thinner, but we don’t actually look at why we want that.
You may want to want to exercise…because you want the outcome, but what is the outcome?
Do you want to look thinner to give you confidence, feel like you are attractive or to fit in?
What is the desire underneath the want? If the answer is actually that you want to feel confident, then focus on that.
There will be numerous ways for you to create self confidence in your life, that will not be fulfilled if you just focus on whether or not you go to the gym!
Ask yourself these simple questions and you will be well on your way to getting what you really want.
What is driving your want? Does it feel like an “I SHOULD want it”?
What is the SHOULD? Your beliefs or your inherited beliefs?
Does it feel like what other people want, or something that you want?
What do you think it will feel like when you have got it?
Will you enjoy the journey? Or are you more bothered about how it will appear to others?
Are you doing it for your parents, peers, power, pleasure or world peace?
Without this clarity, you will be forever chasing unsatisfying goals.
Be IN YOUR OWN POWER. Create what YOU love.
Be POWERFUL, create something worth creating.
STEP 2. Does it feel like the right balance between adventure and risk?
Are you inspired and excited by the idea of doing it, or does the feeling of dread come over you?
Is the risk worth the endeavour?
What is the probable result of you NOT taking action?
Are you talking yourself out of it from lack of experience? If so, how can you experience a little of it, to acclimatise yourself?
What have you got to lose? Your pride, your money, your freedom, your life? What is it that is really scaring you?
How much certainty do you need? Are you OK with striving and not hitting the target?
How can you best support yourself whilst stretching your comfort zone?
Adventure is great. Huge leaps without forethought can be damaging in the long run, plan what you can, trust the rest!
Create the balance between risk and adventure by checking in with yourself- What is the likely outcome of this?
How can you create the best conditions for this adventure to be fun not frightening?
Stretch your comfort zone at a pace that allows deep growth rather than deep terror!
STEP 3. Would you do it if no-one was watching?
Is the source of your motivation intrinsic (it feels good simply in the doing) or extrinsic (dependant upon gratification from others)?
Do you power through tasks wanting to get it done, finished?
Do you have a perfectionist streak? Do you tell yourself that it must be perfect? That anxious drive leaves very little room for enjoying the doing, in the present, each step of the way. Try focussing on what feeds the anxiety. Can you trust yourself that you can take steps without feeling the panic?
Where you have choice in your life, choose something enjoyable. Choose to enjoy it now, not just when its over. Be present to the process. Witness it all as it enfolds.
Motivation is key to actually achieving whatever you want to achieve.
Do you believe it is possible?
Are you clear on how freaking brilliant it would be if it happened? If this isn’t clear, then that is why you haven’t created it yet.
Are you also equally clear on how freaking awful the consequences are of NOT doing it?
Pain is SUCH a good motivator, write down all the ways in which things would be RUBBISH and even PAINFUL if you DIDN’T TAKE ACTION.
Resilience is also an incredibly useful ally. Brené Brown talks about shame resilience on her brilliant book The Gifts of Imperfection.
Becoming resilient to the fear of shame and the experience of shame, allows you to take risks when you put your heart on the line in some way.
Brown talks about perfectionism being the fuel of shame, I totally agree. Enjoy yourself in the doing, and find pleasure in the experience rather than the outcome.
“You are the dreamer of the dream that is your life” G Bernstein
…make it beautiful.